Looking back

My last post talked about one of his favorite things to go do was riding his quad at the dunes. Well I ran across a short video of him riding when he was 3yrs old in Dec 2005. This is the first season out. I just had to share it.


Thank You,
Melisa

My little Dunner!

^i^ My Angel Jacob - 7 weeks in Heaven ^i^

What the heart has once
owned and had, it shall never lose.
Of all earthly music, that which
reaches the farthest into heaven
Is the beating of a loving heart.

A week ago, the weekend of March 13 we went out to the dunes, first time with out Jacob. We waited till it was dark and we all walked behind all of our trailers where Jacob always loved to ride. Most of us had our flashlights, I guess you can call it a flashlight vigil :o) My dad said a prayer and Tony released a small amount of Jacob’s ashes. Jacob’s free to ride the Dunes forever. “Be free my little dunner”

Thank you for every ones prayers!
Melisa

A little something to think about, I know I did!

^i^ My Angel Jacob - 6 weeks in Heaven ^i^

Yesterday, St Patrick’s day, one of the days Jacob really enjoyed. He always liked to be goofy with me, taking pictures with me with that day’s festive attire. He never had a problem with this, he did always like to act silly with me, “Just like Mommy”. Strange things happening, at first it was only me but when I got to work this morning to find out it was not. When I got into work yesterday morning (St Patty’s Day) I glanced at my cell to see if I had missed any calls when I realized there were 4 sent text messages from a little earlier that morning and remember I have no other children. Jacob was no Stanger to my cell phone and thinking he was just so cool making phone calls & texting people, so this was nothing new to me to see odd texts on me cell. 1st sent text: m 2nd sent text: ??>>+- 3rd text: ???????k?? 4th text: (it was Blank) I don’t think I am going crazy, at least not yet LOL! Then my brother came in this morning and said at the bowling last night all the team balls were on the rack and then from out of nowhere they notice a small 10lb ball, the one the kids played with on the return with all the team balls!?!? No one had an answer for HOW or WHEN the ball got there, when one of the team players out of the blue said it’s Jacob! I was told it this morning, so see it’s just not me that has gone crazy, it’s all of us LOL.
As Jacob would say “I DIDN’T DO IT”

San Diego Blood Bank flyer, in Jacobs Honor. :o/ they of course did not know Jacob had past :o( But it is still a great cause. So any one in the area go donate, help save a life, view the flyer
http://www.rockcancercare.org/rccflyers/bnbdrive032010.pdf

Thank You for the Continued prayers!
Melisa

^i^ My Angel Jacob - 6 weeks in Heaven ^i^

I really don’t know what I was looking for when I jumped on the WEB and did a search for Jacob Samaniego. But I did find stuff I did not even know about. I found a San Diego Blood Bank flyer, in Jacobs Honor. :o/ they of course did not know Jacob had past :o( But it is still a great cause. So any one in the area go donate, help save a life: http://www.rockcancercare.org/rccflyers/bnbdrive032010.pdf

Something else I found was a site called Find a Grave, created by Kathryn Gebczyk (Thank You)
http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=pv&GRid=47620620&PIpi=25420543

Thank You for the continued prayers!
Melisa
Happy St Patrick’s Day!

An Irish Prayer
May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

Monday, March 8, 2010 11:05 PM

5 weeks have now past, each passing day has its own set of emotions, grief can be so strange and can come in many forms. At times it tear’s at every once of your being and other times it can be comforting memory. There are other times it will stop you dead in your tracks and other times it will help motivate you to move forward. The hardest part is that it is so unpredictab​le!!

I have been meaning to tell every one a little about the memorial service. We did not have a viewing, we had Jacob cremated and brought him home with us were I believe he should be. It’s so hard when you lose your child, they are not suppose to go before you, that is why I wanted him home with us, where he belongs. In the lobby we had a big poster board with lots of pictures and in the church at front we had Jacobs Urn, a picture and lots of flowers. We had Father Javier and a Rev Ron speak and then my Husband got up to speak, he did so well and brought smiles to every ones faces with some memories. We also watched a slide show of Jacob. After the service we all walked out of the church and we had some of the kids do a Nerf gun salute in Jacob’s Memory, he loved his Nurf guns!! We then released balloons. The church was just about full that beautiful sunny day, we had 200 + people, I was truly amazed how many people showed up. Yes, I knew Jacob touched many people and met so many people on his Journey, but I was still truly amazed to see so many people. We had a beautiful memorial service for our precious Jacob and I want to say thank you to every one, every one who sent flowers, cards and even the donations and to every one that help. We truly appreciated every thing.

Than​k You for the continued prayers!
Me​lisa


GOD'S LITTLEST ANGEL



Mom​my and Daddy don't cry for me.
To walk the earth was not meant to be.
I'm in God's house you see.
I watch over you every day.
I know that you love me in a very special way.
You wanted me to be healthy and whole,
So you had to let me go.
You will get to see me every day
As you look at the children who past your way.

You will know what you did is right Because
When you look in the sky on a clear star filled night,
I will be the star that is shining so bright.
I love you Mommy and Daddy good night.

In Memory of Jacob

Monday, March 1, 2010 7:51 PM

It’s been 4 weeks, a month of trying to figure out our place. It’s defiantly a place where there is a great void, a void followed by tears. I won’t lie it has not gotten easier, it has just gotten more familiar. But the thought is always right there, the thought of this feeling is not right. We walk around the house with all of Jacob’s Pictures; at times I have the fear that’s all that is keeping his smiling face fresh in my memory. It’s those pictures that are helping me feel closer to Jacob. Then it’s the pictures that make me smile and maybe even remembering the story behind the picture. This one picture that I posted with this Journal is one of my favorites with the two of us, I had gotten up on Sunday morning remembering a friend told me I had to take a picture of my hair, she really wanted to see it, so that’s was what I went to do. Alone in the office, or at least I thought I was :o) I was so pre occupied with trying to get the camera to work automatical​ly I did not notice that Jacob had snuck in behind me after a few pictures. I was viewing the pictures and noticed there was a little head over my shoulder with this huge mischievous smile. That is when I turned around to see him standing on the cat scratch tower making sure he was part of the picture. So of course he now had to be part of the picture. That makes me smile, loving those moments!

Tha​nk You for your continued prayers!
Mel​isa

I NEVER SAW YOUR WINGS
How is it that I never saw your wings
when you were here with me?
When you closed your eyes and soared
to the Heavens I could hear the
faint flutter of you wings as you left.
Your body no longer on this side
your spirit here eternally I see your halo shine.
I close my eyes and see the multicolore​d wings
surrou​nd me in my saddest moments and my happiest times.
My angel, God has given you your assignment
a​lways my forever angel.
You fly into my dreams and when I am asleep
I feel your wings brush against my face wiping away
the tears I shed since I can no longer hold
you in my arms but in my heart.
You earned those wings dear one
and you will always be me angel eternal.

Monday, February 22, 2010 10:18 PM

It has been 3 weeks today (Monday), since my Precious, Courageous, Hero Jacob lost his battle with Cancer!

I really don't know where to start, everything has been such a numbing blur.........................................​which direction do I travel?? It is so hard to travel when there is a HUGE hole in your heart, a BIG part of my life was gone in a blink of an eye which left me feeling empty. It is forward I am trying to go, but honestly life is at a standstill.​ It's really hard to get past the fact that my only son is gone, a part of me, a part of me that never left my side. He had battled for so long and won so many times! Yes, I ask WHY?? Never will I have an answer for that BIG UNIVERSAL QUESTION! I often ask, can I just have one more day, hour or even a min with Jacob, to here his voice, see his smile and here his laugh, but I know that won’t be.
I have Jacob all around me; it’s the memories that surround me, on the walls in the computer, the short little video clips, his room and toys. There are still things I do out of habit, boy that’s a gut kicker. I know right now it is hard to accept, but I also know he won’t have to suffer no more, no more clinic and hospital visits, no more spinals, bone marrow biopsy’s, transfusion and antibiotics.​ He is free from all this and he is happy. I know there will be a time that I will look at and watch memories of Jacob and I won’t cry, just smile. I will always know how blessed I was to have Jacob for the last 7 years.

I have some people ask me WHAT HAPPENED!!!!​ We did not know he was this bad?? Honestly I did not think we were going to lose him either, of course it crossed my mind at times, but not yet! A couple weeks prior to his passing you can tell he was not feeling all that great, but I also knew he had the pneumonia and then got hit with the bacterial infection, all this took a lot out of him and to top it off his Leukemia was no longer being effected by his chemo and his little body was so weak. He no longer wanted to be at the hospital so we were lucky to have been home for 4 days before we went in on Monday Feb. 1st at 11:30am. Wh​en we went in he was drinking and talking, but in a matter of hours you can see him slow down and his breathing had become quick and labored. BUT through out the day I would keep asking him how do you feel, he would keep telling me "GOOD" I would ask him are you having trouble breathing, he would say "NO, I AM FINE" HE NEVER ONCE COMPLAINED!!​ That says a lot about Jacob!! So pretty much what happened was that the Leukemia took over his bone marrow so he was not making any good cells, like red cells, just Leukemia blasts and his Bone Marrow Failed.
Red blood cells carry oxygen from the lungs to the body and carbon dioxide back from the body to the lungs. When red cells are affected by disease, symptoms can include anemia, fatigue, weakness, shortness of breath, and headaches
Ye​s I wanted to yell out “No it is not his time, it’s not his time, don’t take him, but I saw my beautiful boy laying there, I knew, so I leaned over and whispered into his ear ”Its OK, relax, Mommy Loves You!” I just kept telling him that. It all happened so quickly and peacefully, I held him when he took his last breath, Feb 1st 2010 at 11:35pm

This played at his memorial:
ht​tp://www.yo​utube.com/w​atch?v=mWMk​_MoFTFM

Than​k You for every ones prayers and words of encourageme​nt,
Mommy Melisa

Thursday, February 18, 2010 8:54 PM

A Message from Heaven

I am not so far from you,
Just a little way beyond;
Past the cares and past the pain,
Far past my earthly bonds.

When you feel you miss me most,
As years go drifting by;
Each memory will prove to you,
That our love will never die.

For memories are but a touch,
From the Father's gentle hand;
To heal your pain and mend your hearts,
To help you understand...​

That while I left you far too soon,
I did not leave alone;
For the Father sent His angels,
To gently take me home.

Take comfort when you think of me,
Keep my love alive in your heart;
And with the warmth of each memory,
We will never be apart.

By Allison Chambers Coxsey

Jacob You are always loved
and Never forgotten

Monday, February 15, 2010 3:40 PM

Quick THANK YOU'S to everyone!!!​
I will be updating soon.

Thank You so much Sinjin,
http://www.​caringbridg​e.org/visit​/sinjinandr​ukates
a wonderful young man for making this slide show of Jacob.
http://www.​onetruemedi​a.com/otm_s​ite/view_sh​ared?p=a501​4f5f0c1181e​09f225d&skin​_id=601

Tuesday, February 9, 2010 2:14 PM

Thank You Katina and friends for the slide show!! 

http://secu​re.smilebox.​com/ecom/op​enTheBox?se​ndevent=4d5​451344d4445​324f5468384​d5445794d7a​41314d44633​d0d0a&sb=1 

I have had so many people telling me they want to make a donation and where they can make that at: jacobshope.​net FINAL ARRANGEMENT​S: Jacob Samaniego Memorial Service / church info We are going to have a small Catholic ceremony al​ong with an uplifting C​elebration of Life, to enjoy and share who Jacob was and how he touched all of us. DATE: Sat. Feb. 13, 2010 TIME: 10:30am PLACE: The Bridge Nazarene Church Thank You for every ones support and prayers! Melisa The Bridge Nazarene Church Exit Cedar Ave. from I-10. Head North on Cedar Ave. Go through Valley Blvd. and veer right onto Bloomington Ave. The Bridge is on the left hand side (North side) of Bloomington Ave.We are located at:9904 Bloomington Ave.Bloomin​gton, CA 92316 (909) 877-0769

Friday, February 5, 2010 7:18 PM

I have had so many people telling me they want to make a donation and where they can make that at: jacobshope.​net
FINAL ARRANGEMENT​S:
Jacob Samaniego Memorial Service / church info
We are going to have a small Catholic ceremony al​ong with an uplifting
C​elebration of Life, to enjoy and share who Jacob was and how he touched all of us.
DATE: Sat. Feb. 13, 2010
TIME: 10:30am
PLACE: The Bridge Nazarene Church
Thank You for every ones support and prayers! Melisa
The Bridge Nazarene Church
Exit Cedar Ave. from I-10. Head North on Cedar Ave. Go through Valley Blvd. and veer right onto Bloomington Ave. The Bridge is on the left hand side (North side) of Bloomington Ave.We are located at:9904 Bloomington Ave.Bloomin​gton, CA 92316 (909) 877-0769

Tuesday, February 2, 2010 10:47 AM

MY HEART BREAKS AS I RIGHT THIS ENTRY!!

OUR PRECIOUS, BEAUTIFUL, COURAGEOUS, LITTLE HERO EARNED HIS ANGEL WINGS LAST NIGHT AT 11:35PM.

QUI​CKLY AND UNEXPECTED JACOB WENT TO BESIDE JESUS, PEACEFULLY IN MY ARMS WITH FAMILY SURROUNDING HIM.

I WILL UPDATE WITH OUR ARRANGEMENT​S, THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN AND ALWAYS FOR EVERY ONES PRAYERS!

MEL​ISA

Monday, January 25, 2010 2:40 AM

STILL FIGHTING!!
​So where do I start, so sorry I left so many people wondering what is going on with Jacob, and thank you for all the prayers that have been going out over the heavens for him. Well since my last update on the 7th of Jan. Jacob was starting to feel just a little better so they let us go home that weekend on antibiotics. His pneumonia had not cleared up and I felt like we went backwards when they let us go home. We started to have fevers almost at the time we walked in the doors of our house, so heart wrenching to watch you child feel so miserable and to top it off he has not really felt very good with fevers off and on since the Dec. Well so come Monday the 11th we ended up right back in the hospital with 102 fever and still having Pneumonia and his Leukemia starting to climb and then to find out his blood culture came back positive for sepsis, it was also in his line, he is also developing Mucostits sores in his mouth and down his throat from the chemo, UHG! How much more!!!! Last week Jacob got light chemo to try to kill some of the Leukemia blasts and his counts really started to drop at the end of the week, but really dramatic, I really think it had a lot to do with the chemo he had the week of the 4th which was ARA-C and Etoposi​de (about a 1 1/2 week later his counts started to drop) and last week we had vincristine (1 day), mercaptopur​ine, and methotrexat​e (both for five days). At the end of last week his WBC had droped to 0.4 we started neupogen after a couple days his WBC still droped to 0.2. We are tring to control Leukemia and also get some fighting cells to help with everything his body is fighting. We had another chest x ray last weds and we are actually finally starting to see some changes. Each passing day we can see Jacob starting to feel a little better, the Mucostits still bothering him but to pass soon. So as of today, Monday we are going to finish his 14days of antibiotics and then I think the plan is to see how he is feeling and with the grace of God we will be going home in a couple of days.

The Meeting
We did have a meeting with the Dr. last week to make sure we all are on the same page with Jacob, Chemo really is not doing what it is supose to, he has become somewhat resistant and his Leukemia has become aggressive. We are trying to keep him as healthy as possible and happy, while trying some combination​s of chemo and by a miracle of God put him into remission. That srand of HOPE still lives with in me and is what makes it possible to move forward, even knowing what can happen.

Tha​nk You for keeping our little Jacob in your prayers!!
M​elisa

Thursday, January 7, 2010 4:09 AM

Well we started off the day with a spinal with chemo, Jacob did not like the fact that he was woke from a good sleep :o( Needless to say he was in a bad mood for a while. But after he finally got to eat took a nap and he was in a much better mood. So today turned out to be a pretty good day for Jacob, he wanted to go out in the hall way and play a little nerf, shooting everyone that walked by :o) Jacob's Pneumonia is slowly clearing up and we are trying to control his Leukemia. Please pray that we are able to give chemo tomorrow (Thursday) and he does good with it with great results. If everything goes well we are hoping to be home for the weekend.

Tha​nk You for praying for our Jacob!
Melis​a